Already Declared Worthy
I finished zipping my suitcase and paused at my dresser, carefully removing the gold necklace from the hook and fastening it around my neck. I needed to hurry, but this was important. With one last glance in the mirror, I grabbed the suitcase and left the room, feeling more prepared for what lay ahead.
Lies had been whispering in my heart since the moment I awoke. I’d heard them before, but they seemed especially loud this morning as I ate a quick breakfast and double checked that my flight was on time. I’d been looking forward to this day for months but now that it was here, it was messing with my heart. I was about to leave for the airport to board a plane for a dear widowed friend’s wedding. I’d watched her love story unfold from the beginning, getting a front row seat to both the beauty and difficulty of love after loss. The lies in my head had nothing to do with my excitement for her - I was overjoyed and ready to celebrate.
The lies were about me:
“No one will ever love you.”
“You will always be alone.”
“You aren’t worthy of love.”
“Your singleness proves how unlovable you are.”
I’d stopped to put on the necklace because my vulnerable heart needed a tangible reminder of truth. Simply feeling the cool of the metal against my skin made me feel more prepared for the mental battle ahead. The necklace, a gift from the Songs in the Night Rebuilding Retreat, had a simple crown etched into the small gold circle - a reminder of my true identity.
I rehearsed the truth in my head as I traveled to the airport:
I am crowned.
The King of the Universe loves me.
I am seen.
I am valued by the One who knows everything about me.
He is the One who gets to tell me who I am.
In a culture obsessed with romance, it’s easy to believe the lie that you have more value if a man is pursuing you. Being single as an adult - especially if you pursue sexual purity - is viewed as a problem. I hadn’t realized how much my own thinking had been affected by this until I was widowed. Comments from others don’t help. Being in a relationship seems to be the litmus test for being healed. The message is delivered in a variety of ways but it’s always the same: something is wrong if I’m not dating.
But God’s Word tells a different story. Nowhere in the Bible is marriage presented as the answer to all of our problems. Nowhere does God tell people that their value is based on whether or not another human being finds them compelling or attractive. Nowhere is redemption from pain and suffering found in human love.
Throughout the wedding weekend I fought to believe these truths in my heart. Few things highlight the loneliness of widowhood quite like a wedding - especially one that happens to be on what should be your 16th anniversary. Each time a lie popped up into my mind, the feel of the metal against my skin was a tangible reminder of truth.
The crown design on the necklace was inspired by Isaiah 61:1-4 which says,
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.”
These verses are full of beautiful promises for those of us who grieve. What I love most about this passage is that Jesus said that He himself is the fulfillment of them. At the very beginning of his ministry, Jesus opens the scroll of Isaiah in the temple, reads the beginning of chapter 61 and declares, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”
Jesus tells us that He is the One who brings freedom, sight, beauty and joy. He is the one who turns our despair into praise. If we wait for changed circumstances, new relationships, or other people to tell us that we have value, we will always feel like we are lacking. Life in this fallen world with fallen relationships simply cannot deliver what our souls need. It’s when we look to Jesus that we experience the freedom and joy that is so beautifully displayed in this passage.
These verses also show us that we can be a beautiful display of God’s splendor - even when life doesn’t look the way we want it to. When we choose righteousness over sin, Jesus’ glory is shown to a watching world. When we let Jesus define us, we display His splendor. When we choose obedience and purity instead of trying to find fulfilment in the arms of a man, we show that Jesus really is enough.
These are the reminders I needed throughout the wedding weekend. My joy doesn't come from being in a relationship or having a man fall in love with me. My joy comes from being loved by God, and being made more like Christ so that He can be glorified through me. Taking my focus off of not having a person who thinks I am special helped me enter into my friend’s joy and celebrate the gifts of love and marriage without jealousy or comparison.
The truth is that my friend and I both display God’s splendor. Our circumstances are different but we have both been declared worthy by the Lord. He has given us the same crown, we are just wearing them in different circumstances. I display his glory by learning to trust Him to fulfill my needs as a single person. She displays His glory by trusting Him to fulfill her needs as a married person.
When I hold tightly to the truth that my value is already decided by the Lord, I am free to walk the unique path He has for me without letting comparison steal my joy. If the Lord someday opens the door to a new relationship, I will still be defined by what He says about me. My joy and peace will still be found in Christ alone.
Dear sisters, let's be careful to point each other to Jesus and not other people or things. If your widowed friends are single - point them to Jesus. If your widowed friends are dating - point them to Jesus. If your widowed friends are remarried - point them to Jesus. He is the One who fulfills us and defines us, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in. He is our comfort, joy and praise. Let’s remind each other of the truth of God’s Word, linking arms to help each other experience the joy that He has for us here and now.
In Christ,
